Real life events have prompted this blog post, as it is not what was originally planned but something we can discuss in the cafe today…
As much as we do our best to protect our children from the world, there comes a time, that life…real life…shows itself to our children and we have no other option but to confront life’s situations and trials with our young ones, head on. Today was one of those days for us. Today, real life hit hard.
It was a bit of a sad day, as we learned that a student in my daughter’s school has passed. My heart completely breaks for the family and friends of that precious child and this was the first thought that came to mind when our school district called to inform parents of the devastating news.
My second thought, after my prayer for them, was how my own child would respond and take the news, as she has never experienced something like this. I knew the moment we got home today, we would have to have a real life conversation. Which was the correct way to approach this…which question do you ask first ? Do we wait until it’s brought up or do we jump start the conversation on our own ? How as parents, do we prepare our children for life’s ups and downs. Good times and bad times…
There were some hours before school’s end, for me to brainstorm some key aspects I felt I needed to equip my child with. The rest of the conversation, would be impromptu, unplanned and unpredictable as most situations with children go…but I did want to make sure that our discussion would be an even exchange of listening and discussion.
Listening to your child first, sometimes is the most preparation a mother needs to help aide them.
After our discussion the takeaways were these…and hopefully they help some mommies too! :
1. Bad things happen, and sometimes we don’t know why…
2. It is okay to be upset, or feel disappointed, sad etc…
It is okay to cry, it is okay to be angry,…it is okay to simply “feel” and to express how you’re feeling and to never be ashamed of it. We are human and people go through things but what helps us get through it and get stronger is allowing ourselves to acknowledge our emotions. No one should ever be made fun of for how they are feeling or be told what to feel.
3. Talking to Someone is Okay –
Whether our children want us to be the safety zone (as we as moms are always available to be) , OR if they would like to speak to someone else equipped, talking it out is always the right thing to TALK. Have no doubts. Whether its a close family member, a school counselor or a professional (therapist), talking can never be wrong. After all, our children’s mental health and is just as important as ours and should not be forgotten. (Of course moms, we guide our little ones to choose the correct people they can talk to.)
4. Check-In with Yourself –
Mommy will always ask if you are doing okay…but also ask yourself, “Am I okay today? Am I happy? Is anything bothering me? Am I doing well? ” Sometimes when circumstances occur, we may not know immediately how we feel and we may do things that is not normal for us to do…It is important to find out if we are okay so we can fix what is wrong and return to our happy selves.
5. If no one is around to help you, find what works to make you feel better…
If praying, or hugging a favorite stuffed animal is a good way to cope with the situation, it is important to find what helps, if no one is around to help you sort through your feelings. Each child expresses themselves differently…whether it’s through painting, or writing or dance…whichever is the best form of healthy expression, encourage this in your children.
Mom’s Cafe Blog, would love to open the discussion and hear your #Momstory on how you support your children when real life issues, of any kind, arise. Do we tell our children the reality or sugar coat a bit? Which are some of the core values and keepsakes/tools we give our children to push through struggles? Let us know in the comment section.
To support grieving families, parents and children, there are wonderful support groups, such as:
*not affiliate links –
If there are any other foundations or orgs you know of, please share them with us.